03 - The strange lucidity of tiredness
« If you deeply observe, everything is your teacher » Buddha
It had been a long time since I had gone to bed so late. Yesterday I fell asleep after 6 in the morning. To be honest, I often dread this kind of situation because I know the next day will be difficult, so I start getting frustrated even before I’ve fallen asleep.
But today, I realized that this can also be a moment to make use of. Sleeping so little puts us in a different state than the one we are usually in. Our body reacts differently physically, and so our mind does too. That’s when a mix of emotions takes shape and can produce surprising things
I feel like I’m in a space of melancholy, where my usual self is put on pause. And when we return to our usual state, we can be surprised and wonder why we did that, said that. And that with more clarity we probably wouldn’t have done the same thing.
Artists know this very well. Their best works are often created in a state of chaos, of emotional exhaustion, when everything is not fine, when things are falling apart. That’s also how an artist is often seen. Just look at the greatest works, whether in painting, music, writing, or film, they were created from a place of sadness, of rupture. And even behind moments of joy, of euphoria, a hidden part of sorrow can be found.
It might seem very pessimistic because yes, what does it mean? That we have to feel bad to produce something meaningful? No of course not, works have also been created in moments of absolute joy, there are no rules.
What matters is knowing how to recognize the state we are in at the moment and using it to draw something from it. Observing, feeling things differently depending on the mood we are in.
« If you deeply observe, everything is your teacher »
Buddha
I’m not saying you should force yourself into a state of fatigue, but when it happens, pay attention to it, observe, feel it. I’m thinking of all the people who struggle to sleep and whose days are difficult because they are constantly exhausted, by both the day and the night.